But right or wrong, good or bad, sensible or not, they are our children. As a parent we can do the best job the Lord gives us the knowledge to do. He equips us for the tasks he has called us to do and expects us to carry through with our responsibilities. This is easier to do, the younger our children are. Life gets trickier when they are older ~ they make their own decisions, they make mistakes ~ some of which you can't fix or even hope to fix, they disagree with each other and refuse to speak or see the other (really hard for a mom, especially if its a justified reaction), they don't think that their actions will affect others and sometimes if they realize it, they don't care.
Parenthood is kinda tough right now. I love having grown kids (7) or 10 if you count the spouses, but they all make mistakes. We make mistakes too.
As moms, we are a bundle of emotions. These are our babies ~ they are a part of us. We are/were the nurturers, booboo kissers, listeners, encouragers, advocates, cheerleaders, prayer warriors, taxi drivers, financial advisers, teachers, etc.
In my Bible study this week, the topic is emotions ~ this is the week to read this chapter and study this topic. Page 195 had some truths that I particularly needed to read and ponder this last week ~
"In the midst of the roller-coaster ride our emotions sometimes takes us on, we have to constantly bring our minds and thoughts back to the Truth. The Truth is, God is good, whether I feel like He is good or not. The Truth is, God loved me, whether I feel loved or not. The Truth is, through faith in the shed blood of Jesus Christ on my behalf, I am forgiven, whether I feel forgiven or not. The Truth is, God will never leave me or forsake me; He is with me all the time, even when I feel alone or forsaken." taken from "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Phillipians 4: 6-7 (NJKV)
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let our request be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4:8 (NKJV)
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy ~ meditate on these things.
Thankful for ~
parenthood (the good, the bad and the ugly)
the comfort of the truth from the Lords scriptures
hugs & surprises
peace in the midst of the storm
And the truth is as moms with bundles of emotions we feel responsible for everything out children do. Logic and others may tell us not to but I, at least, still do. I take it personally. As if I've failed.
ReplyDeletePray. Pray. Pray. Listen. Love. Forgive and teach forgiveness. Pray. Pray. And pray some more.
Praying for you my sweet friend.
Donna, my heart aches for you. I have typed out, deleted and then retyped out my response to your post over and over again and just when I was about to hit enter, it all disappeared. I'm a mom, grandmother and also one of of the adult "kids" caught up in a huge family conflict where siblings are refusing to speak to other siblings. At least we are not being cussed out, yelled at and the lying about us has slowed down now that the silent treatment is in full force. May I share something with you as someone who has been going through this horrible mess for years now and who has shed more tears, had horrible anxiety attacks and as someone who does not like conflict, cannot wrap her head around why someone would not want to try to work through things for the sake of the elderly parents if nothing else? You did not fail as a parent. You raised your kids and they are adults now, they make their own choices and have to face the consequences of those choices, good and bad. Some people make better choices than others and some people can own up to their mistakes, admit them and ask for forgiveness and others are not capable of doing so. Jealousy can raise it's ugly head and selfishness can set in. I don't know the circumstances in your family's situation, nor do I need to know. I will just tell you what I told my MIL who is feeling much the same way you are...you can't change someone who does not want to change and you can't force them to sit down and talk things through if they refuse to. In our case my husband and I tried for years to find out the reason "why" his sibling were refusing to talk to us and the story kept changing depending on who they were speaking to. This has been a pattern of behavior for both of them in other relationships also. We have always been there for both of them through lots of storms (many brought on by themselves) in life. They don't like that my husband will put his wife and children as his top priority after God of course. They don't like that he learned to set healthy boundaries and that they can no longer bully, control or walk all over him. I told my MIL that after all these years of trying to resolve things but getting stonewalled time and time again with no willingness from the siblings to try to resolve things, we are done. We will no longer stress over this or allow them to continue to try to cause harm to our relationship with my husband's parents because of that stress. We are walking away from the situation. They don't want us in their lives and we are ok with that. They made their choice. We chose to surround ourselves with positive, caring, supportive and loving people who want us in their lives as much as we want them in ours. We are going to do what makes us happy and I told my MIL that she needs to find that place for herself too. Hopefully she can find the strength to not allow them to control her and her emotions either because she did the best she could raising them and they are adults who need to take responsibility for their own actions and stop blaming everyone else for everything that is wrong in their lives. Be blessed Donna and I do hope you can find some peace in the midst of all of this.
ReplyDeleteDebbie, Thank you for your kind comments and insight. I appreciate that you took the time to care and respond to my post. I do understand surrounding yourself with caring, positive, supportive people ~ and yes, our adult children do need to take responsibility for their actions and how their actions affect others. I hope you have an awesome weekend! Thanks again!
DeleteYOu are more than welcome Donna. :) We got a lovely surprise with our oldest niece and her family being in our area for the weekend so we are going to spend some time with them on Saturday. We have not seen them since last Summer and we always have such a great time when we get together. :) I hope you have a great weekend as well!
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